Do you ever feel like.....................

This blog is about my thoughts, things I think about . Things that I wonder about. Questions I'm afraid to ask, Just because I think I already know the answer, or I can only think about the negative side. Please understand I'm not a cry cry about me kind of guy. I'm a positive guy someone who enjoys life even thought some times I never know were it's going. My friend Sam invited me and Susan to a choices seminar in penticton on wedsday night. It was to get more information on the course. There was one thing that was said that hit home for me. Sam came up to me and asked how I was I said "good", he replied "good, if good is just good enough is better possible". I was tong tied . How can you answer a question like that. What can you possible say as a come back.

What is better? ................................... I'm a big dreamer so I can think of ample things that would be better, like if I had a nice new car or a bigger house, a crouch rocket, chopper or a big boat or a vacation home ext ext ext. But the thought that kept going though my head was what will make you happy to your core. I don't have the answer. I really wish I did, I know if I helped people in need that would be make me happy to the core. But then again maybe it wouldn't.

he's some questions I ask myself on a regular basis.

Why me?
What do I want?
What can I do so I can stay at home with my family?
why do I feel so drained?
is this going to school to get a better job going to work out?
why don't my old friends call ever, and ask how i'm doing?
why does it seem that I'm always making the effort to see friends, and not visa versa?(miller is exempt from that thought)
where am I going in life?


I know there not the most interesting thoughts but there mine so blog off. I know I'm happy in my relationship with my beautiful wife, and I love hangin with my son. It just seems that sometimes I just want to be wanted by my friends . I know this is pretty harsh. Please understand I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't know if you get this too, but does it ever seem that you put yourself out there for other people If they need your help your always there for them. But the feelings are not giving in return. I know your suppost to give with out the want for anything in return. I guess in my personal life I can honestly say that I have not had a friend go over and above to want to spend time with me, exept for my wife. Am I that funny looking?

Heres some questions for the mind.

three questions:
1. Is good good enough? is better possible?
2. Do friend go out of there way for you?
3. Do you ever feel unwanted by people?

p.s. link........

THE DEL

The all mighty del, the who you might ask. Most of you have never heard of del or know what i'm talking about. He's one of the greatest guy's i've ever know , i'm very lucky to call him my best friend. His name is Chris Delvicario, and we've known each other since we were 5. He was the first friend i ever had in abotsford, our parents introduced us when my family moved to harper dr many years ago. Since then we were inseprible.

We learn how to play hockey, soccer, golf and baseball togather. We used to play for very long periods of time, and when i say long i mean 8 am till 9 pm all day long. We played on the same soccer team since we were like 7 , and the same hockey team since we were 11 . We were always 1 and 2 in the hockey draft, my dad being the coach used to drive him mad, because it was almost imposible to get us on the same team, but some how or othere he did it. Chris played centre, and i played defence. To give you an idea of how great he is at hockey one year he scored 53 goals in like 34 games!!! He always reminded me of wayne gretzky, he wasent the bigest guy or the fastest, or even the hardest shotter. But he could find slot perfectly, And he always made the goalies look like swiss cheese. My dad always remarked how eary it was , how we could find each other with a pass that you would never think would work, or how we'd know were each other was on the ice at all times.

In soccer chrises dad tony was our coach, i played left mid and chris played centre mid, chris used to score a crap load of goals. And he dident like refs very much, if a ref gave a bad call chris let him know how he felt about it, and it uselly ended in chris getting a yellow or red card for it. If he was taken down by some other player and the ref dident call it, chris would look at the ref then find the guy who checked him. Then you'ed see him get this look in his eyes, he would turn on the after burners and hunt this guy down, and body check him off the ball. He always got called but i always felt it was chris getting his frustration out so it was more funny to me then anything. Chris was one of the best soccer ball handler i ever played with, he could go into a crowd and comeout of that crowed on the other side with the ball.

some funny stories about chris and i are. When we were younger i'm talking 6-7 chris had this great idea to pick his moms tomatoes. I asked him is it ok to pick them ,did she say it was ok. He said of course it's ok. So we prosseded to pick all of heathers tomatos,they were green and unripe. Then we took them to our fort , heather notest they were missing and hunted us down found us squashing her tomatoes, and gave use a good toung lashing and a spanking.

Chris was one of my grooms men at my wedding, and i was very happy that he was there. Some of the fondest memories of chris are us going trick or treating when we were young, to going to shuswop lake and wakeboarding all day long. Building forts in thr gully, lighting fires and having our parents freak out at us. Going to silver star and hike for houres to find the perfect powder. Skiing till it was dark then playing pessent till all houres.

This blog is to let you all know about a guy whose 25th birthday is coming up someone i'm very proud of, in all the things he's done in his life. He works in vancouver at a computer company that makes casino games. His boss can see the greatness in him becasue it only took chris 1 year to be the manager of his department. He makes a crap load of money, and i'm very proud of him. We don't get to see each other very much any more, the last time to saw him was when suz and i sold our house in kelwona, we took a trip to van and met up with chris for dinner and hung out for one of the days.

So chris i hope you have a great birthday, that it's full of fun and preasents. Keep on enjoying life like you do, and i'm sure our paths will meet in the near future. Happy 25th birthday.

sleep sleep sleep

From what i can gather sleeping has become a very interesting subject, in conversation since kynans arrival. First off i don't get any for starters, if you compair it to when he wasent in exsistence. And this whole last week i have had very little because of his cold. I alwas wonderd about sleep and why people ,older people needed it so much. As a teen i would go to bed at 11-12 pm and wake up at noonish. Now i go to bed at 10-11pm and wake up once a night to help kynan and then wake up at 6:20 to et ready for work, kynan also wakes up at that time to. We both have a breakfest and watch sportsnet in the morning. What a luxury it is to get 1 hour more of sleep a day. It amazes me that sleep as become more importent then sex!!! I know, I know it's hard to believe, but i'd give up a night of steamy love making to have a full day of sleep. What has my life come to. Please understand i'm not complaining, i'm just pointing out that as a parent you prioreties change, the first week kynan was home fom the hospital was probable the hardest of my life, with 4 days lack of sleep, and working all day i was to the point were i would be talking to someone at work and be noding off at the same time. Thank you mom for making the first few nights a little easier, my mom came and sleeped over the first few nights to help. I remember hearing that we as humans need 7-8 hors of sleep a day!! i get 6-7 .

heres the questions
1. Tell me about your lack of sleep storys
2. Whats the longest you've gone with no sleep ?
3. What would you rate higher on your prioratie list sleep or sex?

MR.K

How do you start talking about someone who amazas you everyday. Well i'll start wit what this childs gone though at only 1 year 5 months old, he's say some word, like dada, mama, baba, hi. He's a huggin kissin freak, he love to give big kisses, and even bigger hugs.

He started walking just after his first birthday, and has already learned to run and fast i mean you better be watching fast. He loves music he dances when ever he hears a good tune, he loves old classic big band, rap, metal, pritty much anything with a great beat. He lovs to laugh and play peak a boo, and my favorite game call chase dad around the house and play soccer, wresling, hockey havent intruduced golf yet but soon, oh yess soon.

He eats anything, and love using a fork or a spoon.

He if you ever want to see a funny face, just try and take his picture, i think of calvin and hobbes when ever i take his picture, his all smile until you puch the button them out comes the toung or he starts making a crazy looking face, you little bugger.

He loves cars, trucks anything that makes alot of noise. I love spendiing time with him, i love seeing what he will learn thats amazing today and what bad habits i give him, like feeling boobs, i like boobs and so does he, I think thats one of the best part of being a child his age , he can feel all the boobs he wants. If i did that i'd be going to jail.

anyho, he has some of the best nick names like monkey man, ,k man, duder, mister, buddy,and my personal Mr.K , it's something i started using when he was really small and it's stuck, i thnk everyone knows him as mr k, and also kynan.

Some people ask how he got that name or where i heard it. It was a name my uncle was going to call his son if his wife ann had one, but he had 2 girs so i grabed it, it means chief....go figure.

three questions.

1. Whats you favorite memory with kynan

2.whats the funniesst thing you've seen him do

3.can you guess his middle name

no one to hug....

yes it's true i will have no ne to hug for 5 days. Suz is off to calgary for 5 days for a youth confrince. I know she be having fun, learning new things, and probibly do some shopping. This will be the longest we've been appart since we started going out. Will i miss her, duh. Of course i will. It's going to be hard going to sleep with out her, and not having anyone around when i get home, or having someone to talk to for 5 freaking days. I'm goin to miss her touch ,smell, eyes, laughter,the feeling she gives me, her body(if you know what i mean.




Heres the questions
1. Whats the longest you've been apart from your other for?
2. what do you miss most about them?
3. Why do you think we as humans need that person so much?

Goodnight my angel......

The date Mon, 20 march 2000 at 23:58:39 PST

a poems for susan.

Happyness to you this fine morn'.
Did thow dream sweet ,of prince pure of love, or sleep unforfilling. Did thow dream of fields were flowers show there face. Did the honey makers fly, did the honey makers sting. Did animal angels sing sweet in the westward winds.
Did the trees bowdown and weep. Did thow dream sweet.

This is a poem i wrote suz many years ago, I still think it kicks ass, i don't know about all of you but i find i think much clearer when it's late at night. And i for sure act a little wierder ( just ask jorden) .

3 questions.

1.What time of the day do you feel the most creative?
2. whats the best poem or saying you've ever made up?
3.Is a short poem more meaning full to you then a long letter?

what the bloggin am i taking about

I know I know, i vowed never to have a blog, But as most things that are and will come to be i changed my mind. So here is what to expect.

Not alot for starters, With the little time i have bloggin is why down on my to-do list. But i can asure you that the thought expressed are truly real and thought provocing, or at least i think so.

Iwill tryto keep them interesting, moving, Thought full, gut reanching, Funny, wierd and i promise to make you think a little bit. There will be questions pictures and poem.

So get ready for the best bloggin thing you ever saw. And if any off your comments are dumb ill tell you to...ahh blog off.(just kidding)